Promise of Accountability

We consider it an honor when each of you takes a moment out of your busy schedule to read these blogs. Sometimes it feels like we're taking a great risk to address the sensitive and controversial issues that we tackle.

Currently, we are dealing with the foundation of the family, which is marriage. The reason it is so difficult to talk about it is because most of our audience consist of people from the urban community who have been wounded in some way or another due to the breakdown in their marriage or their family. Most have grown up without a father, mother, or in a few cases, without both.

We have discerned that when we talk about this subject, we must be sensitive and gentle because there are a lot of sore spots when touching this area in the urban community. It would be very easy for some to come away from our sessions struggling with thoughts of condemnation or offense, but the Lord has helped us to teach and present the loving view of our heavenly Father.

This past Sunday, we stepped into the first aspect of the PACT. As you may recall our pact was this: No matter how you say what you say to me, I will choose to believe that you said it because you love me. I will choose to believe that you said it because you have my best interest in your heart. Today we call it the Promise of Accountability, Commitment and Trust (P.A.C.T.).

The first thing we established in our PACT was THE PROMISE OF ACCOUNTABILITY. In Sunday's teaching we walked through a passage of scripture that has left many frustrated because of the inability to live out their understanding of the Word of God.

This time we read through Ephesians 5: 22-23 which says, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body." We can almost feel the cold chill sweeping over many of you, but hold on! This is not going to be the typical law enforcement approach to this scripture.

We explained the meanings of these words in terms that people can relate to today. Husbands are instructed to take the lead and set the example for their home as they follow the lead of Christ, who has set the example for the church.

All the controversy and fuss about words like submit and subject can be boiled down to this basic explanation. This scripture means that wives are to follow their husband's lead. It's that simple. To lead means to be the first to do something. Husbands are called to be the first to sacrifice, the first to give, the first to pray, the first to (fill in the blank). So when the husband leads out in sacrificing, giving, or praying, the wife is called to follow him.

Many women have said they wanted a real man of God, but when they discover that a real man of God says, "Let's turn off the TV so we can talk and pray about our finances." then she discovers how difficult it is to really follow his lead. He always seems to want to do these kind of things at inconvenient times. Now comes that keyword: submitting to his leadership. If the husband is following the leading of the Spirit of God, she is called to follow and not resist it.

Of course, this automatically brings up the issue of what are husbands to do when their wives do not follow their lead. Well, husbands are instructed to love their wives the way Christ loves the church; to wash her with the water of the word. There are reasons why she is unwilling to follow her husband's lead and example. Those reasons range from fear to rebellion. However, the husband has the high calling of God on his life to minister to his wife.

The other side of the coin is: What does a wife do if her husband is not setting an example and following Christ? Well, Peter dealt with that issue and instructed that when this happens, wives are to follow the example of Christ, as well.

According to 1 Peter 3:1-4, a wife may be able to win her husband without words or her outward beauty. Peter wrote, "...rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

A woman can grow and mature to a place where she has a gentle, quiet spirit that speaks volumes. Interestingly, Peter told the women that they should do what the women of past times did which was to 1.) trust God, and 2.) do not be afraid of the threats of fear.

You see, when a husband is not following the Lord, fear of the consequences of his actions can overwhelm a wife. Her fear is often rooted in past experiences with men. This fear can cause her to say and do things she shouldn't, which can be like throwing a lit match into a bucket of gasoline. Many teachers have put emphasis on the wife having a gentle and quiet spirit, but failed to tell her how to do it.

Gentle and quiet is not weakness. It is the powerful expression of meekness. Meekness is having the strength to control yourself. Anybody can blow up and let everybody around them know that they got strength, skills, talent and smarts. But blowing up is no sign of being a strong person. However, if she trust God and receives His perfect love which cast out her fear, no matter what her husband does, she won't be used as an instrument in the hands of the evil one.

Today, many women in the urban community are filling their hearts and minds with fear by watching constant streams of men-bashing movies, dramatic presentations and talk shows. The fear factor is sky rocketing, causing millions of women to take matters into their own hands.  Many are even turning to lesbian relationships for comfort and security.

If a Godly wife obeys the Word of the Lord, there is no guarantee that her husband  won't choose to leave her. Peter's instructions were not meant to be used like words of witchcraft to cast a spell on a man to keep him from leaving his wife. With every Word of God, people have choice. He may choose to leave because he does not want to follow Christ. Yet, she cannot allow the fear and threat of him leaving to covert her into an agent of manipulation, intimidation and domination. There are consequences for the husband's decision and one of them is that his prayers will be hindered. God won't hear and answer his prayers until he gets things right with his wife.

That's why we encourage couples to really consider this part of the PACT: I promise to keep myself in the position where I will be answerable, explainable and accountable to you.

So you see, the Bible is still very relevant in it's answers for dealing with the powerful conflicts within the marriage relationship. O' how we wish we could expound more on what we talked about last Sunday, but you can check it out for yourself at https://vimeo.com/19759321 (Part 1) - https://vimeo.com/19758165 (Part 2)