Contemplative Approach to People

A few years ago, one of my colleagues labeled me ‘the contemplative pastor’. He said I was always approaching issues and problems with thoughts and perspective that are not very important to most people, but they are keys for introducing understanding into any situation.

I didn’t know how to take that statement at that time. I thought I was a straight forward, in your face, kind of minister. However, as I look back over the past nine years, I can see how the Lord has led us on a path that has required us to look beyond the surface of every negative issue in our hearts and homes.

A couple of days ago, someone posted a five minute video clip of a pastor publicly correcting various men in the congregation. One was a young man who wanted to get married, but he told the brother, “You don’t even attend church, and now you want me to perform your wedding?” Then he looked at his fiancée and asked, “Do you want to marry a man who doesn't come to church?”

Next, he publicly corrected the young man in the video room because apparently he allows the youth of the church to gather in that room to socialize instead of making them go out into the auditorium.

One thing that caught my attention was that the pastor said he was ready to quit and go start again with a small group of people who really needed help.

Needless to say, most of the comments regarding the video were all about abusive leaders. However, one person said this pastor’s rant was similar to the way Jesus talked to religious people in His day. The video was stirring up quite a debate as people began to throw scriptures back and forth to support their positions. Some felt the video segment demonstrated correction in love. Others felt that it was abuse.

Well, you guys know me. I jumped in and said it was impossible to draw a conclusion to the video because it was only a five minute clip from an entire sermon. I shared that it’s impossible to make a judgment based upon five minutes of what seems like a pastor going off on the congregation. I asked: What was said before those five minutes? What was said after the five minutes? The pastor may have apologized afterwards. What happened after the service? We don’t know, so we can’t make a determination.

I added that I felt it was wrong for the pastor to do this publicly, but I also stated that we don’t know what led up to this moment. We don’t know what level of rebellion that may have been present in this congregation.

Of course you guys know that I was not justifying abuse, but (being the contemplative pastor) I could not dismiss the obvious frustration, discouragement and the possible depression this pastor may have been wrestling with in that moment.

I share this with you today to remind you to not be so quick to judge the flaws and failings in people. We don’t know the history behind a sudden outburst of rage or anger. As we have learned from our first lesson about mental illness, some people are battling with issues that are not obvious from the outside. Some people are on medication, and even though the medication is helping their brain chemistry, the side effects can produce agitation and anger.

We just don’t know the whole story behind the things that people say and do.

Many Believers don’t realize that there are hundreds of pastors who are being abused by their congregations, board of elders, and overseers. We only tend to think of pastors being the perpetrators of abuse within a congregation. It’s sort of like the way we view domestic abuse as always being a man beating on a woman, but believe me, there are countless cases of men who are being abused by their wives. They don’t say anything in order to protect the children or because no one will believe them.

It is my prayer that as we grow in grace and in the knowledge of Jesus Christ, that we will develop hearts of compassion and understanding. There is far too much judgmental-ism in the American church.