Promise of Commitment

Over thirty years ago, we made an agreement that has carried and sustained our marriage relationship.

Yes, like thousands of couples, we stood before a pastor, in a church, in front of family and friends, and recited the wedding vows. We nervously smiled in anticipation of the wedding night and a lifetime of marital bliss. Finally, we were going to be living together, spending uninterrupted time, no longer facing the agonizing late night departures and telephone good-byes. We were going to finally be able to pool our money, plan a future and begin our pursuit of the American dream.

However, six months later, we couldn’t even have a decent conversation without strained atmosphere. We discovered that we didn’t have the same alphabet. We didn’t have the same definition of terms. Our body language was even misinterpreted. So, six months after pledging our lives and hearts in a wedding ceremony, we sat down together and made a PACT.

Today, we are realizing how important that agreement really was and we are sharing with our small congregation and our online subscribers, what we have discovered in our journey.

We found that our PACT was Biblically based. It was deeply rooted in sound doctrine.  The PACT was summed up in Ephesians 5:31-33: “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Today, in America, many men are strongly opposed to this command to love their wives the way Christ loves the church. Many women almost consider words like submit and respect to be profanity. In the face of a society that pushes individuality and personal success, we are under divine mandate to present God’s point of view about marriage. We guess we are still some of those 'old school' folks who believe that the foundation of the community is the family, and the foundation of the family is the marriage relationship between a man and woman.

We didn't say that you don't have a family if you don't have a mom or dad present in the home. We're just stating what GOD had in mind when HE started everything in the beginning. Certainly God has graced many families to thrive as the remaining spouse pressed forward for the sake of the children. But in this discussion, we are dealing with the intended foundation of the family: marriage.

While many are tweaking and adjusting the terms of marriage to fit their own preferences and lifestyles, we feel that we must lovingly and firmly present the truth of God’s Word.

If a marriage fails, you don’t discard the fundamental institution of marriage, no more than one would refuse to ever drive a car again because it had a flat tire, or if the battery dies. You repair what went wrong and you keep driving. If the car runs out of gas, you don’t give up on the car. You do whatever you have to do in order to get some more fuel into it again. You wouldn’t say “I don’t believe in automobiles because they break down and you have to keep refueling them.”

However, this society declares that since so many marriages have failed, we no longer need the institution of marriage or if you decide to get married, you don’t have to apply the principles of God’s Word in the relationship. Many couples approach marriage like a very loose boyfriend-girlfriend connection. At the first sign of trouble, they have already created all kinds of escape routes.

One of our very good friends, Pastor Joe Green of Antioch Assembly here in Harrisburg, PA, shared that he discovered that one of the Hebrew word-pictures for marriage is that of a couple being locked and barred inside of a house with no way to escape. If there is a fire, they have to work together to put out the fire, not try to find a way to get out of the house. As radical as that may sound, that’s how marriage works. It’s not about self preservation. It’s about doing whatever it takes for US to make it; not just for ME to make it. BOTH people must make the promise of commitment to make it work.

Now of course this e-newsletter is being read by many who have already experienced the pain of separation and divorce. What can you take away from this conversation?

We believe that you still have to embrace God’s Word on the subject of marriage. You must resist the temptation to adopt worldly philosophy to your outlook on marriage. You must resist the temptation to apply personal interpretation of the Word of God by changing the meaning of the scripture to fit your feelings.

If you should choose to enter into the covenant bonds of marriage again, you cannot apply self preservation principles. Of course, that is going to be very tough because of what you’ve gone through, but unless you fully embrace God’s Word about marriage, you will inevitably end up in divorce again. It will happen for a different reason than before, but it will still be the same results as before.

As high as the divorce rate is for couples, it's even higher for people who are on their second marriage. Why? We believe it's because they still try to make it work without Biblically rooted principles. So how do you reach a place of healing and restoration so that you can open your heart and fulfill the promise of commitment in a marriage?

Last Sunday we took on that challenge as we introduced the commitment portion of the PACT, but we began by looking at the commitment the Lord has made to us. There is nothing like coming face to face with the unconditional love of God. In Romans 5:8 the Bible declares, “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

We explained the agonizing decision that Jesus made in the garden of Gethsemane, to become sin for us and to be separated from the Father on our behalf. He became the ransom that paid for the hostage’s release. Please realize that before we can ever commit to another human being at such a deep level, we must first commit ourselves to the Lord. When we really understand what HE did for us, it makes us love Him that much more. It produces a supernatural level of loyalty to Him.

We ministered a very special song to the church family that expresses this kind of love for God. The lyrics are: I will continue with Jesus in the garden of decision. Continue with Him when I’m running endless miles. Continue with Jesus through the times of tribulation. Continue with Him through this trial. Continue with Him through it all.

We have discovered that the commitment within the PACT does not begin with Chris’ commitment to Carol or Carol’s commitment to Chris. It begins with Chris and Carol’s commitment to God. That commitment comes from a revelation of and response to God's love for us.

One of the failures in Christian marriage is due to two human beings trying to commit to one another without the healing and restoration that comes by continually committing their lives to God through their personal relationship with Jesus Christ. They must constantly remind themselves of what the Lord has really done on their behalf. Without this reminder, one person or the other will begin to take the marriage relationship for granted.

When we acknowledge, daily, what God has done for us, it keeps our hearts open, grateful, humble and capable of loving others (our spouse in particular) the way God loves us. That’s what gives us the ability to extend mercy and unconditional love and respect to one another.